is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I understand Curling. That high.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
