Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
