mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
