dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
