I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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