You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
