i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
