We're like a lot better than the average bears
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
