After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
