and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
