I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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