All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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