It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
