i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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