i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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