its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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