im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
