The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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