I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
