Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
