I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
