I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
