her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
