am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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