haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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