THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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