Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
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