HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Randomize
