So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize