Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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