Where did you get a picture of my penis
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
