I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
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I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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