You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
soo... how was my night?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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