Non-Jews are for practice
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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