He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
