i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The adults are the big ones right?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
