I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
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My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
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All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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