we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
