Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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