I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
