you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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