Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
