The maid of honor just puked.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
