Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
