i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't deserve a penis
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
