I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
