FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
