I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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