Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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