And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
