I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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