so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
