If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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