I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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