She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize