quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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