You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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