I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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