my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
