chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
