When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
