I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
