Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
